幽默的朋友圈最新句子(下雨天发个幽默朋友圈)

1.
周五终于到了，该开心了吧？错，周五晚上我还要出门工作，开心的是老板！ 【TGIF？More
like
TGIM
(Thank
God
It's
Monday)】

2.
面对人生的选择，我一直觉得自己很辣鸡，于是就决定辣鸡一把，结果比想象中更垃圾。 【I
chose
to
be
a
hot
mess,
but
ended
up
just
being
a
mess】

3.
在家办公，思路跑偏的时候，我就会哼起“大约在冬季”，然后飘了。 【Working
from
home
is
great,
except
when
“In
the
winter”
gets
stuck
in
my
head
and
I
drift
off】

4.
懒惰是种生活态度，也是种职业技能，小学奖状上就是这么写的！ 【Laziness
is
not
just
a
lifestyle,
it's
a
career
skill.
Just
ask
my
elementary
school
participation
certificate】

5.
金钱买不来幸福，但可以买草莓冰沙，这已足矣。 【Money
can't
buy
happiness,
but
it
can
buy
a
strawberry
smoothie,
and
that's
pretty
close】

6.
身为程序员，我的工作就是帮公司节省开发成本，然后劝它买新电脑。 【As
a
programmer,
my
job
is
to
save
the
company
money
on
development
costs
and
then
convince
them
to
buy
me
a
new
computer】

7.
我小时候被教育要守时，所以现在我总是提前5分钟到达目的地，然后在车里面玩手机等待。 【I
was
taught
to
be
punctual
as
a
child,
so
now
I
arrive
at
my
destination
five
minutes
early
and
wait
in
my
car
playing
on
my
phone】

8.
年级最差的时候，老师说我“不求上进”，现在我不求上进，他又说我“太自负”。 还是我多年不更新进步最靠谱！ 【When
I
was
a
poor
student,
my
teachers
said
I
lacked
ambition.
Now
that
I
lack
ambition,
they
say
I'm
too
arrogant.
Maybe
I
should
just
stick
with
what
works
-
not
updating
my
profile
for
years】

9.
失败并不可怕，可怕的是你错过了下一把打败他的机会。 我也不知道这是不是十年前我空窗期的自我安慰话，但听起来还是很有道理的。 【Failure
isn't
scary,
missing
the
opportunity
to
beat
it
is.
I
don't
know
if
this
is
a
self-soothing
statement
from
my
decade-long
dry
spell,
but
it
sounds
pretty
legit】

10.
为什么周五总是自己跑得飞快，但下班后就躺在床上不动了呢？猜猜，因为我周六要去健身房啊！ 【Why
do
Fridays
always
fly
by
at
work,
and
then
I
just
lay
in
bed
all
evening?
Oh
right,
because
I'm
going
to
the
gym
on
Saturday!】

11.
刚刚走到菜市场，一位阿姨打招呼说“小伙子穿得太少了，赶紧回家穿牛仔裤吧”，心里窃喜，每天都要认真选好穿什么。 【Went
to
the
market
and
an
old
lady
told
me
I
was
underdressed
and
should
go
change
into
jeans.
I'm
glad
to
see
I
give
off
the
impression
that
I'm
fashionable】

1
2.
懒得运动？那就买一个手表，每次看到自己的心率超过100，都当作是举重呼啸吧！ 【Don't
want
to
exercise?
Get
yourself
a
watch
and
pretend
your
heart
rate
spikes
above
100
just
by
lifting
and
walking】

1
3.
看完别人的工资，我不是失落，而是意识到我在街头乞讨时太过优秀了。 【Seeing
people's
salaries
doesn't
make
me
sad,
it
makes
me
realize
I'm
too
good
at
begging
on
the
street】

1
4.
李嘉诚表示，人的智商有好几个等级，我表示，我还没过“单选题每题至少选一百个字”的智商阈值。 【Li
Ka-shing
said
intelligence
has
different
levels,
while
I'm
over
here
still
struggling
to
answer
multiple-choice
questions
without
writing
essays
for
each
one】

1
5.
有时候我会开始模仿朋友圈上一些人花里胡哨的生活，然后我就成了他们眼中的那个奇怪的人。 【Sometimes
I
try
to
copy
the
extravagant
lifestyles
displayed
on
social
media
and
end
up
as
that
weird
person
in
my
friends'
eyes】

1
6.
现在的年轻人啊，用卡机不骂学校不上课不恋爱，到底是怎么想的？我没有二十岁，我只是在发发牢骚罢了。 【What
are
young
people
today
thinking
when
they're
using
cashless
payments,
skipping
class,
and
avoiding
relationships?
I'm
not
in
my
twenties,
I
just
like
to
vent】

1
7.
家里的唯一希望就是我成为女婿，但我一直拖，总希望等到他们死了之后再决定。 【My
family's
only
hope
is
that
I
become
a
son-in-law,
but
I've
been
dragging
it
out,
hoping
to
decide
after
they
die】

1
8.
食物的香气和颜色会影响人们的食欲，那我对着电视猛一嚼瞪眼，是不是就可以被程序员的键盘散发出来的辐射美食影响了呢？【The
aroma
and
color
of
food
can
affect
appetite,
but
can
I
enhance
my
appetite
by
staring
intently
at
my
screen
and
chewing
aggressively?
Proximity
to
the
aura
of
a
programmer's
keyboard
should
help,
right?】

1
9.
昨天晚上和一个美女聊天，说起了自己名字的意义，她问我是不是觉得名字很重要，我点头回答道：“是的，因为当他出现在信封上时，你就知道那是来自国家税务局的文件了。 ”【Had
a
conversation
with
a
beautiful
woman
last
night
about
the
meaning
of
names.
When
she
asked
if
names
were
important,
I
nodded
and
said
“Yes,
because
when
the
name
shows
up
on
an
envelope,
you'll
know
it's
from
the
tax
bureau”】

20.
系里的人都说我是好学生，个人观点是只要拍手叫我来就能提升成就感的作业我一定完成的极好，别的还要沉淀一下。 【I'm
called
a
good
student
by
the
academic
department,
but
really,
I
just
excel
at
accomplishing
any
assignment
that's
as
easy
as
clapping
and
calling
my
name.
Everything
else
depends
on
decent
sedimentation
time】